I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
