So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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