i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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