doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
