Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
