I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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