His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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