When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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