I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
