Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
