I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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