***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
