Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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