At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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