soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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