thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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