She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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