Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
