i dont even know how to be here
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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