separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
