drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
