Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
