Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
