I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
