it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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