how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
