So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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