I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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