I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
