I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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