just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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