seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
