Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
