i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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