Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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