Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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