so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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