3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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