But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
