On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
