Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
