I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
