Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
