Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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