Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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