yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
