drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
