Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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