two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
