Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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