9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
