My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
