I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
this hospital has no fireball
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
