I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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