Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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