oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize