Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
