Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
