He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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