I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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