...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
