no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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